i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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