he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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