How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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