And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
