I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
