I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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