yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
