I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
