Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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