you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
