I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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