Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i will never coherently bang her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
