did you get engaged???
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
