i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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