I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
