then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Houston, we have a blender
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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