PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
