I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
