i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
