I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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