Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
