it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
