you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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