Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
