if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
