im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
