erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
