I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
