Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
