Nicole vs. Life
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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