someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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