Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize