Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
