Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
