CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He felt like a one man threesome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
