He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
