I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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