do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
