Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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