3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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