EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
this hospital has no fireball
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
