So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Vodka?
Forever.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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