he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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