U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
