I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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