i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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