Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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