Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
