I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
