i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
