my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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