It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
