Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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