I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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