Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
