I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
BRING THE BAGELS
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
