so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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