Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
