i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize