i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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