eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize