I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
