My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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