In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
