i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
