You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
