Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
