just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
