either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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