dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
