Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
