Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
