My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
