It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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