the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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