just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
