hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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