Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
