its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
