sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
