I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This is the high leading the old right now
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize