I think I died a long time ago.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
